The 12 Pains of Christmas
by lvncastle
Summary: Fun set of loosely connected one-shots based on the song "The 12 Pains of Christmas" by Bob Rivers. I heard it and just *had* to write a Castle version! **In Progress** Chapter 2 coming soon!


**A/N – So I'm struggling with my next chapter of "One Big Happy Family"… I'm a perfectionist, and I'm trying to get it *just* right. So the process is **_**slow. **_**Anyway, I was in the car this morning ruminating on it, when a Christmas song came on the radio and inspired me in a completely different direction! So, never fear, I have *not* abandoned OBHF in the least, I just needed to take a break from it, and try to come at it from a different direction.**

**This is a collection of very loosely connected one-shots based on the song "The 12 Pains of Christmas" by Bob Rivers.**

**Disclaimer: Caskett Christmas. 'Nuff said. I am squeeing soooo hard right now! **

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"The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…** Finding a Christmas Tree**" – "The 12 Pains of Christmas" by Bob Rivers

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"Nope. Not it," Castle declared from his position in front of Kate. "And don't roll your eyes, Beckett. I can _hear _you doing it."

Kate finished her eye roll with a flourish before narrowing her eyes and glaring at the back of his head. "Well, I wouldn't _have_ to if you'd have just settled for one of the seven hundred trees that we've seen so far today. This was _not_ how I pictured spending my day off, Castle."

This was the seventh tree lot in Manhattan that they'd visited today. And not a one held what Castle considered to be the 'perfect tree'. Kate had tried to get him to divulge his criteria for said perfection so she didn't feel like an idiot every time she suggested a tree that was subsequently rejected. It was starting to piss her off, and she was very nearly at her breaking point. He told her that it wasn't anything that he could put into words (_Really, Castle?!)_ and that he'd know it when he saw it. That it would "speak to him." Whatever that meant.

Castle spun around on his heel to gaze upon his seriously annoyed partner. "Kate. Seriously. When have you _ever_ known me to settle for something less than amazing?"

Kate lifted an eyebrow. "Well, apparently Gina thought you'd settled for 'mediocre' with the last set of chapters that you turned in to her." She'd had to listen to Castle moan for hours about her scathing analysis of his admittedly half-assed work.

Castle huffed out a breath, absent-mindedly enjoying the white cloud of vapor that appeared between them. "Kate, that's so unfair. You know I churned those out at the last minute to pacify her so that I could prepare for the precinct Christmas party! I was always planning to rework them. Or scrap them," he finished under his breath.

Kate leveled a knowing look at him, her eyes speaking volumes of admonishments.

"Kate, the woman was _married_ to me. She should've known that she was asking for it when she demanded _quality_ work from me around the _**holidays**_! It should be outlawed for someone to focus on anything but Christmas."

"Well, Castle, the rest of us little people still have jobs to do during the month of December, so if you don't mind, could we maybe get the lead out and pick out a damn tree so that I can enjoy just a _little_ of my one day off this week?"

Castle gasped and clutched at his chest. "You wound me, Beckett! I thought you'd enjoy spending time with me no matter how it's spent."

Kate heaved a long-suffering sigh, and stepped closer to her writer. Placing a hand on his chest, she slid closer until her body was just shy of touching his. "Castle. You _know _I enjoy spending time with you, but we've been at this for four hours, and it's freezing out here. Can we _please _just find _something _so we can go home?" She twined her hands around his neck and lifted on to her toes, putting her mouth level with the shell of his ear. "I _promise_ I'll make it worth your while. You can warm me up _however_ you please…" She punctuated her statement by darting her tongue out to trace the edge of his earlobe, and then taking it between her teeth to apply just a bit of pressure. Releasing it and pushing off from his chest, she darted around him just as he roused himself from his lust-hazed stupor to attempt to draw her closer, effectively escaping his arms and leaving him aroused, bereft and nearly incapable of speech. The last condition didn't last for long, though.

"Kaaate!" he whined. "That's just mean!"

"Tree, Castle! Find it!" she called over her shoulder, as she wove her way through the pines.

He tipped his head heavenward with a groan before jogging in her wake with renewed vigor. _This_ was the lot. He could _feel_ it. He'd rejected so many… Douglas Firs, Blue Spruces, Eastern White Pines… none of them seemed right. And with this being the first Christmas that he and Kate spend together, he just wanted everything to be… magical. His choice of tree depended on his mood. Last year when things were so uncertain with Kate, when he spent his time away from the precinct wondering where she was, how she was doing, how well she was coping, he'd ended up with a Norway Spruce, which ended up shedding needles into a blanket all over the tree skirt the day after Christmas. Fortunately, it suited his mood perfectly, and gave him an excuse to take the tree down early; he hadn't really felt incredibly festive.

But this year was different. _This_ year, Kate was with him, really _with_ him, and he was absolutely determined to bring the wonder of the holiday back into her eyes.

He rounded the corner of the next row of trees and stopped short. At the end of the row, Kate stood, deep in conversation with Manny, the tree lot manager. Sunlight filtered in between two buildings and a tree, bathing Kate with a diffused golden light and turning her shining chocolate locks to a shimmering caramel hue. She was smiling that thousand-watt smile, clearly dazzling poor Manny, and laughed at something the besotted young man had said. She turned slightly to the tree next to her, and ran her hand down the contour of its branches like a lover's caress before glancing up toward its lofty tip. Castle started toward her, looking a bit star-struck and dazed… much like the expression gracing Manny's face. When he approached from behind Kate, wrapping his arms around her waist once he was close enough. She started a bit, and half turned in his arms to direct her brilliant grin toward him, and he was at once speechless and eminently grateful that she was a part of his life.

"Hey!" she exclaimed. "I was just apologizing to Manny for needlessly monopolizing his time while you consummately rejected every single tree suggestion that he had."

"And _I_ was telling Detective Beckett that it was _absolutely_ no trouble at all. I was very happy to help in any way that I could." His words were directed toward Castle, but he smiled widely and hopefully at Kate, eyes only for her.

_Ha! I bet you were._ Castle thought derisively. _I can sympathize, man… I _know_ the feeling._ He felt it every damn time he looked at her.

"Uh, yeah, sorry 'bout that." Castle said with an apologetic smile. He leaned close to nuzzle his cheek against her temple. "Hey," he said softly, "let's go home."

She turned a bit more in the circle of his arms, pulling her head back to get a better look at his face. "Huh? Are we giving up the quest for the perfect tree?"

He grinned, deep lines bracketing his lips and crinkling at the corners of his eyes. "Of course not! You found it!"

Her eyes widened, her smile beaming before it dimmed a bit in realization and surprise. "What? _This_ one?! Castle, it's _huge_!"

Castle waggled his eyebrows before smirking at Manny, "That's what she s— OOF!" He bent a bit at the impact of her forearm smacking his stomach. "Okay, okay! Sorry," he rasped, grinning unabashedly. "No, really. This is the one. Wrap 'er up, Manny!"

Manny's eyes lit up. "A 15 ft. Noble fir. Excellent choice, Mr. Castle!"

Kate stepped away, looking again at the hulking tree beside her and then back to the illuminated blue eyes of the man bouncing on his toes. "Castle, this is ridiculous. Who buys a 15 ft. tree? Isn't this a bit much, even for you?"

"Kate, the loft is huge. And it's not as if I can decorate the outside of my home like Clark Griswald… so we've gotta do the _inside_ up right to make up for it!"

Kate rolled her eyes, suddenly incredibly thankful that he lived in an apartment building instead of a house somewhere. The city should be thankful as well, as they were surely dodging a blackout from the power surge that would be caused by the lights on Castle's home. She did fear the next couple of weeks, though, wondering just how 'festive' his home would become. She wondered if sunglasses and sunscreen might be a requirement for visits. "How in the world are you going to manage to get this home? Not even you are going to be able to charm a cabbie into letting you strap this monstrosity to the top of his cab. And how are you going to get it up to the loft? I refuse to haul it up the elevator shaft, Castle."

Castle ticked points off on his fingers. "They deliver, so no charm necessary, and we have a perfectly good service elevator or stairwell, if it comes to it. Nothin' to it," he spoke with the confidence of a man used to making things happen. He reached into his back pocket, pulled out his wallet and handed Manny a wad of bills that had to be at _least_ three times the cost of the enormous tree and delivery. Manny's eyes widened, shook his head and opened his mouth to protest, but Castle effectively cut him off. "Thanks for putting up with us, Manny." He put an arm around Kate's waist, who promptly elbowed him in the side. "Well, putting up with _me_, I mean. Merry Christmas!"

The young man looked a little dazed but returned the sentiment with gusto, and promised a delivery within the hour.

Castle tightened his grip on Kate's waist, pulling her so that he could wrap his other arm around her. "Ya know what?" he said, an enormous smile on his face, and his eyes locked on a set of sparkling hazel ones. "It can wait a few hours… we need to get home and… get warmed up."

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**A/N – Thanks so much for reading, and leaving your reviews is SO incredibly helpful to the writing process and gratifying to the author! **

**I have posted a link on my Tumblr page to a video of the song that inspired this story! **

**carolemoreno . tumblr . com**


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